Saturday, November 19, 2005

Allah to Norway Martyrs:No Virgins for You!

From the specious report
I guess this is why the europe intifada is not very popular.

Tehran, IR Ayatollah Ali Khamenei has passed along an Official Statement from Allah in which The Almighty clarifies His position on global terrorism. The Divine Proclamation rates 191 countries on a sliding scale of importance, with attacks inside the borders of the United States receiving the greatest number of martyr points. The Proclamation is in response to al-Q'aeda lieutenant Ayman al-Zawahri's recent audio tape message urging attacks in America, England, Australia and Norway. But Norway, home of the Nobel peace prize, seemed a surprising target since it didn't support the U.S. war against Iraq. "Al-Zawahri needs to look at a freakin' map," the Statement decrees. "Apparently, that moron doesn't know Norway from Denmark." Norway actually appears near the bottom of The Master List. Among the "Coalition" countries specifically mentioned: "Those martyred in the United Kingdom shall receive the total allotment of 42 virgins, but they shall have bad teeth and prepare meals which taste like under-cooked rubber bands. Virgins awarded to those martyred in Australia shall be gigantically tall, curse like a sailor, and drink like a... well, like an Australian." Islamic extremists are expected to take the proclamation seriously, especially after reports that Akmed Abu Baba, accidentally killed in a botched suicide bomb plot in Paris last year, got three rude French virgins with hairy armpits and intolerable body odor.


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