Thursday, November 17, 2005

Confesion time

This is awsome! From imperial rabbi lawrence

Dear Yasser,
It's been over a year since you died in that French military hospital, and after watching you slowly perish while your family and friends squabbled over all that money, I have something to confess.

It wasn't the Jews who killed you.
It wasn't your Palestinian brothers in arms.
It wasn't the Americans.
It was me. I killed you.

Remember the night in the jacuzzi in your shattered Ramallah palace?
Well, when you thought it was me penetrating you from behind, it was really just something my friends in the Pakistani ISI worked up to get the poison in your system. They made sure it would look like AIDS combined with a well-known compound that the Mossad has been caught using.

As much as it pleasured you at the time for me to ram that hideous implement into you, know that it hurt me that much and more.
"Why did I do it?" you must want to ask. Why would a friend and lover betray you so? Why would a man you'd come to know, love, and trust betray you in such a mortal fashion?
Look, Yasser, my love. All I wanted for you is to experience the pleasures of seventy-two virgins in Paradise. My martyring you, I felt that you would get so much more pleasure than whatever I could give you.

Don't try to tell me that your greatest pleasure would be the death of every Jew and the destruction of Israel. That's never going to happen, no matter how hard you tried and how hard I keep trying. It's frustrating, it's annoying, and disgusting, sure - but it's not going to happen in my lifetime just as it never happened in your all-too-brief lifetime.

Some pleasures and joys, no matter how desired, must remain denied to us. They are a test of our strength, dedication, and character.

So after all this time, I can only ask for you to forgive me for killing you, but know that I was killing you as a kindness and a release from the greater evils of this world.

And I beg of you one more forgiveness. I had Kojo bury a few million dollars in your tomb. He says he got out of those Oil For Food contracts I helped negotiate with Cotechna, and your tomb was the easiest place to stash them that nobody would ever look.

Just don't tell Suha. That pig's been hitting me up for diamond money ever since she got her million-a-month allowance from the PLO.


At 4:42 AM, Blogger hashfanatic said...

I don't get it. When you wrestle with your desires for the demon spirit that is Arafat, are you giving or receiving, in your imaginings of such an act?


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